hiding away

Where do you hide away when the going gets rough? 

You know what I mean  ... work piles up; you get overtired; people getting angry for no reason; everyone demanding something of you ...

It happens to us all now and again; those moments when  we just want to shout  "STOP!"

But of course that is rarely possible, so we buckle down, get back to work, and simply wait for the storm to pass ....

... but who has never longed, even momentarily, of a place to hide away.  A place to enjoy five minutes, a couple of hours, a day or two, simply resting, taking time for a little soul-restoring ?!

Putting a little distance, physically or mentally, between us and a situation, is often all it takes to put things into perspective, to be able to deal with the problem more effectively.

So I wondered what is your hide away?  Because it doesn't have to be real.  You don't always need to leave a situation physically, sometimes just getting away in your mind is sufficient.

Do you escape between the pages of a favourite book?

Do you go out for a meal with your girlfriends?

Do you sit down to watch a good film?

Do you retreat to 'your' room in the house; your sewing room, or laundry room, 

or simply your desk in a corner with a laptop and a coffee?

Or do you get out and walk it off?

When I have something to mull over, I'll generally think it through as I go to sleep.  But if I need real quiet, real abstraction and some gentle therapy then I call the dogs and walk up to the forest to let the green-ness take effect.

So tell me, do you escape or sit it out?   What works best for you?   Do you hide away for real or do you 'go' somewhere else in your mind?  

And do you think this is a thing that evolves as we grow older, or does it work at any age?

Do share, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this one.

pictures 1,2 & 3 Pinterest

les bonnes manières - or good manners today

via

How do you define good manners?

During my brocante and guest cottage season, good manners are the well-oiled wheels that make everything run smoothly. 

 We receive guests from all over the world.  They arrive with their suitcases; with their plans and projects; with their differences and similarities .....  and -   lucky me!  - they all arrive with a smile and a bucket load of charm and good manners.

For me, good manners means respect and  consideration of others; respect for their privacy;   anticipation of what they may need or want;   a positive attitude  and a sunny disposition. 

Manners have taken many an unexpected turn with the age of social networking on the internet.  We used to say it was impolite to call anyone after 9 pm, but have you noticed how that has changed with texting and messaging,?  anything goes 24/7!  Or the code of conduct for using mobile phones?  Turning them off in restaurants, conducting loud conversations on a packed commuter train .....

And have you noticed  how the difference between public and private information is becoming blurred; I always thought that protecting ones own privacy and respecting the privacy of others was part of good manners too .... today it is easy to lose sight of the boundary line.   

Facebook tracks our every movement;  many people enjoy sharing pictures of their family and kids, of their home and holidays on line; your smartphone knows where you are at any moment and it is alarmingly easy to intrude upon someone's intimacy. 

It seems to me that it is vital for each generation to learn about respect.

My youngest son plays rugby, he is part of a team here with an outstanding coach who believes that respect is key in every aspect of life.  Rugby is  a rough game physically, but while the boys may pummel each other on the pitch, the notion of mutual respect is essential.  Bad language or disrespectful behaviour will see a player taken out of the game.  

If the coach hears that a player has misbehaved at school during the week, he takes the boy aside at the mid-week training session and explains that he won't be selected to play for the weekend match ... but he'll come along to carry  the team refreshments and encourage his team from the sideline!   Disappointing your coach is a far worse punishment than writing lines at school!

So in this modern world how do we teach our children good manners?  Is it for us to adapt, to say "well we used to do things that way, but now its al-right to do it this way", or are there basic principles that never change?

Are good table manners still essential?  Are children always taught how to hold a knife and fork?   Do they still learn the art of polite and interesting conversation around a table?  Or is that old school today?

If you have young children, how does their school teacher help them with good manners?  And if you have grandchildren, do you sometimes feel bemused by their 'new rules'? 

Please tell me what you think, I'd love to know.

sign by E&L designs

managing time and sorting priorities

My mother always  says "If you want to get something done, ask a busy woman!", and this week I sort of know what she means.

I am approaching the busiest time of year here.  The garden needs time and care, the children will soon be on holiday,  our guest cottage season is well under way and April through to June will see me busy with clients coming to shop the flea-markets and fairs with me.  I love all of this, I'm certainly not complaining, but there are days that start with a sort of "gulp!  how is it all going to fit in?!"

I make lists.   

 I guess we all make lists.  It helps us determine a hierarchy in the tasks before us, and of course it gives such satisfaction when we drop into bed at night with the whole list ticked off - OK, I admit that doesn't happen as often as I'd like,  but enough for me to  remember how good it feels.

Recently I have noticed that being efficient  takes a little more effort and attention and,  from what I hear from my close friends, I may not be alone.

So, what is this all about?

In this age of technology, the very machines that are meant to be saving us time, can also prove very clever at wasting it too!   You know what I mean .... come on, admit it.  You go on line to check the price of a flight, or the address of a store, and an hour later  find yourself reading blogs or watching videos of dancing cats on You Tube!

I'm sure that I procrastinate more than I ever used to.  Maybe it's just laziness, but it is definitely more and more easy to find an alternative to the 'task at hand'.

It doesn't feel like I'm lazy though.  In fact I'd probably describe myself as a workaholic  ....hmmm ... did I just write that?!

So for fun I have devised a little test to see how organised/driven/busy we all are, maybe you'll tell me how you do:

 1:  Do you fall asleep at night thinking about what needs to be done the next day?               YES/NO

2:   Do you have a list beside you right now?                     YES/NO

3.  Do you have more than one list on the go at any time?                   YES/NO

4.  Do you generally get through everything on the list for the day?                 YES/NO

5.  Do friends turn to you for advice on time management?                      YES/NO

6.  Is your house always tidy, your chores always up to date?                  YES/NO

7.  Can you limit the time you spend in front of a screen?                         YES/NO

8.  Do you always finish one task before starting the next ?                YES/NO

9.  Are you always on time to appointments?            YES/NO

10.  Are your cupboards always tidy; your wardrobe colour co-ordinated?      YES/NO

11.   Are all your emails answered?      YES/NO

12.  Is your desk tidy right now?                     YES/NO

and finally - if you have answered YES to all of the above.....

13.  Would you please come and coach me?                 YES/NO!

As a girl who has no trouble admitting that there are so many odd socks in her house that she has a (very pretty) bag, embroidered with the  words "odd socks", just to keep them in, I stand in awe of the highly organised people I meet.   

Also, as mother to four children close in age, I tended to prefer a house that felt lived in and comfortable, than a picture perfect show home, but I have to admit that some people get the balance better than others.

My thinking is that all this is a question of genes rather than effort, but I'd love to know what you think.

To illustrate today's musings I thought the best person to turn to was Martha herself, the Queen of organisation.

Hey!  here's a thought: ... 'Martha organises My French Country Home', now what a blog post that would be!

all pictures with thanks to Martha Stewart Living

so, what do you do?

I have been in rebel mode this week, and you know what brought it on? ..... People keep asking me what I do !!!

I don't mean strangers walk up to me in the street and just blurt out "hi, what do you do?!" ... nothing so straight forward.

First there was a journalist wanting to write a little mention of the blog and needed some bio on me "and what would you say you do ... I mean for a living or to keep you busy?...."   hmmmm....

Then I needed to apply for a new passport and of course have to fill out the line 'Occupation'   hmmmm.....

And then my son had to complete some insurance forms for a school field trip, and among all the very many, and very useless questions came the inevitable 'profession of parents' ,  I mean what?!  really??   So that my son can jump on a bus and go off for the day with the class, the school needs to ask - again - what I do for a living!!

It's not only that I don't like labels, but it's also that I feel that we women today are so multi-functional that we can't be summed up in a one-word description.....  An average week sees me as a mother, a wife, a laundry maid, a painter, a gardener, brocanteur, taxi-driver, cook, blogger, writer, shopper, antique buff, friend, .......

The thought provoking moments continued:

Tish Jett, on her blog A Femme d'un Certain Age,  wrote a nice piece this week, that got us thinking about our epitaph   ...  so difficult to choose?!   ......

  personally I'm currently leaning towards "she never learnt to whistle".

A woman who just brought out a best selling book in France was interviewed on the radio.  The journalist asked how she would describe herself "as a writer, an artist, a woman, a wife? ....."  she burst out laughing and told him to come up with a decent question!

I have children thinking hard about their future lives and careers "WHAT are they going to be when they grow up?"  "darling I'm still trying to decide what I'll do, and I'm 30 years older than you!"

So all that got me wondering  ....

If you had to choose just one word to describe yourself what would it be?

  I don't mind if you come up with an adjective "wistful, beautiful, straight-talking, manual, impatient ...." or a career label "teacher, nuclear physicist, landscape gardener, mom ...."

I'm thinking on it , I may tell you my answer later today.

Oh yes, and if you're wondering what we ended up  putting on the school forms  ..... after a long debate I was labelled as 'elephant trainer' ......  if nothing else it will get them talking!

........o..O..o...........

PS.   Just loving the answers coming in below  .... here is the list so far of the one word titles you are happy to assume :

woman ... smart ...independant ... me ...  passionate  ....  workaholic ...  it all ....  loving ... happy  ....amazing ... creative ....survivor ...   compassionate  .... caregiver ....  nursery worker ....  retired  ....  umbrella  ....  juggler  ...  nurturer  ....  putterer  ....   encourager  ....  loner  ....lioness  ....  unemployed  .... inspiration ....food writer  ....procrastinator  ....  passenger ....  hedonist ....  CEO  ...  grateful ...singer ...  computer virus expert ....  wordly ... geneologist  ...polymath ...  multifaceted ...  practical ...  patient ...  problem solver  ...adventurer  ...  cheerful  .... complex .... pool girl .... eccentric ....  unique ... purposeful ...  nana  .... domestic engineer ... happy

keep 'em coming!!

Illustrations Schulz;  Google for woman's day 2013; New Yorker magazine

imperfect and happy

Many of us will watch the oscar ceremony.  We can be curious to see who takes the coveted statues, and also curious to see how perfect and gorgeous the 'stars' look as they walk the red carpet or climb the steps on to the stage.

Personally I don't know anyone who looks like a film star.  I know some beautiful people, some kind people, some lovely friends and family, but in my life - a real life - perfection doesn't often take center stage.

It doesn't actually bother me that much, in fact it may be quite the opposite.

I revel in the 'different', the unusual, the flawed.

I am happy to find beauty in the unexpected place.

 And so today, when I noticed that the past week had been so busy that I had let a bouquet of flowers go dry in their vase, I thought again about how perfect 'imperfection' can be.

My house is sometimes pretty, sometimes neat and tidy, but also sometimes a mess.  It is above all a home filled with children, children's friends, dogs, muddy boots, a busy kitchen.   It is the air of happy disorder that makes it feel friendly and lived in.

A real home not a showcase.

These flowers were stunning when fresh ... but now I can see poetry in their curved and cracked stems.   Their soft moist petals may be dry but they feel and look like handmade works of art.

In this blogging world where we all love to share pictures of our dream house, or table, or dress or garden, it's good to take one step back and say "real life is better than a styled stage set".

'Embracing imperfection' ..... my motto for the week ahead ......

 hope you have a good one.

women behaving inappropriately

I won't bore you with the details of my very busy week, but just wanted to share that I think I may be coming  to that tricky point in life where my feelings and my energy aren't quite in tune with popular expectations, and consequently I can be perceived as behaving inappropriately!

Now, before you get too excited, I don't mean that I am picking up young men in bars, or wearing short skirts and stilettos to do my weekly shop.  Nothing that exciting .....

I just mean that when I want something done, I tend to just forge ahead and do it, without necessary stopping to wonder how a 50 something year old women should be seen .  

I decided this week to renovate a bedroom here, and the first step was to sand down the floor boards. 

Of course I noticed the raised eyebrow when I turned up at the DIY store to rent the floor sanders.  This is not my first foray into the wonderful world of floor sanding, and I quickly found the material I needed.  When I informed  the salesman I'd need double the quantity of sandpaper, I could see he was about to say something, then held back, dubious.   He was dying to ask me who'd be using the machines, but couldn't find a way to pop the questions diplomatically.

The same with the gardener, new here.  I had foolishly said I'd work alongside him making decisions about the garden as I went.  When I wheeled out my barrow complete with fork, spade and pickaxe, he did a quick double take, opened his mouth to say something and thought better of it.  After half an hour working together I could see I had gained his confidence and maybe even his respect, but I had to prove myself first.

So why am I telling you all of this?   Because it annoys me.  I know that people have the best intentions and are kind and thoughtful, but I do not want to be treated like someone who can't handle the task.

I enjoy getting my hands dirty, literally; I enjoy feeling a slight strain at the end of the day, and I love to step back and say to myself "job done, and done quite well at that!"

Of course I know that I'm not as physically strong as I used to be,  but in the same way that we don't like to see the inevitable wrinkles invade our face, neither do I like to admit that my field of action will one day narrow.

I'm sure I'm not alone on this one.  We have all seen the photo of Katherine Hepburn  on a skateboard at 70, and goodness knows the gorgeous Helen Mirren has been defending the cause of the over something woman quite admirably.

But how about you?   Do you worry about people's opinion? - enough to affect your behaviour?  Are there things you enjoy doing which are unusual for your age?  Do you  persevere with a sport or a past time, fearful that if you stop it may be hard to start again.

I'd love to hear what you think on this one, please tell me someone else feels like me!

all photos thanks to Google , painting 1 John Lavery, 2 Otto Henry Bacher

what would you do with a thousand?!

The winter sales are on here, and it seems to be the time of year when everyone is thinking about their budget.

I am not a champion shopper, I lack the patience, but I do know well enough to make use of the sales to buy one or two really good pieces that will provide a good foundation for my wardrobe and will always look right, even if paired with something more ordinary.

I have my eye on this sweet dress by Marc Jacobs by  at Le Bon Marché in Paris, 

and I could definitely find an opportunity to wear these wonderful ballerines by Kelian 

At the dinner table last night I was chatting with the children.  I'm not sure how we got there, but conversation came around to "what would you do with a thousand euros, dollars or pounds?" 

A thousand is just a nice sum to play with.  Not so big that it makes you feel responsible, yet big enough to make a purchase feel special, a splurge, a treat.  The kids responses were most diverse, ranging from a new drum set, to a zoom lens to some pearl earrings - Ghetto just wanted lots of  chickens .... ahem ...

After scratching my head for a while I thought I'd really love a special suitcase, that looks old fashioned and well made but that can actually cope with today's travel,  that makes me feel good every time I unpack it, or pick it up in an airport.  Something like this maybe, by Globetrotter....

And I wondered what your answer would be?  

So here's the game .... imagine I have a thousand  dollars, euros or pounds for you to play with.  To spend on a gift just for you.  This is your special selfish moment, forget about your children, husband, your dogs and your Great Aunt Sybil ... this is for YOU!

Would you book yourself into a spa, buy an air ticket to Rome, get that ring you've been dreaming of ...  or maybe you'd  purchase a year's worth of luxury chocolates delivered to your door ....

Surprise me please ... I am intrigued

PS  thre are so many wonderful ideas coming in here, from rose bushes, to Hermes handbags to lunch at Le Meurice ....  keeping the post up for a few more hours to see what else you come up with!

photos thanks to Andy Warhol, Bon Marché, Kelian, Globetrotter

mothers losing count ....

As I sat up late one evening before the holidays, wrapping some gifts and ticking things off of my to-do list, I thought about how much repetition is part of a mother's life.

How many tables to be laid, meals to be cooked, rooms tidied, nappies changed, stories read, vegetables peeled, beds made, homework checked, grazed knees kissed, drawings admired ... christmas gifts wrapped.....

how many parents evenings sat through, how many team matches cheered at, how many school runs driven, or late night parties picked up from .....

I could go on for a long while .....

In my attic I have  a box of old letters that I have received  throughout my life from family and friends.  Each and every one ends with something  like  "love to you", or "take care darling, I love you".

Remember letter writing?   such  a wonderful way of saying how much we care.

In our busy world of changing communications and anonymous living in big cities, the reassurance that someone cares is more and more important.   We may not write letters any more, and emails aren't quite the same, so  it's up to us to find other ways to show our love.  To remember that our little ones always need to hear those words, even when they've grown a head taller than us! and to know that someone in today's world is caring for them and holding them dear to their hearts.

So my list of repeated tasks is maybe more than just an ode to domestic duties, maybe each and every little thing we do is simply our way of saying those three little and totally unconditional words

I . . . . love. . . . you

photos found on google images

women creating now!

Since I wrote my post a few weeks back about re-inventing ourselves, I don't stop receiving mails from ...

women  .... about women .... and about women creating in particular.

Why is this so vital to our well-being?!

Creativity is such a personal thing.  Of course early on, many of us spend our creative energy on bringing up little ones!  But as the years move on, and family has less of a hold on our time, we remember and discover all the other stuff we can do.

To one woman it may be knitting a fine pair of socks, to another sewing a quilt, to yet another making a favourite jam; some may like to paint, and others prefer to write ... but at the end of a day most of us like to feel that we have used our minds and our energy to create something or other. 

And it seems to me that setting up a new business today is another form of creation.   There is a real   satisfaction in identifying and satisfying a need; in making the most of something we enjoy doing anyway; in making a business work, in all its complexities.

Many women have told me how much they enjoy running their own small - or  not so small - business.  Some need to do so financially, and some just love it!

Especially today, in a world whose old values have been severely shaken, and where many of us are needing to discover new ways to be happy, a new voice through which  to express ourselves.   We are also proud to set a strong example to our children.
 

Of course the internet is playing a huge role.  Talents are being re-discovered and given new value, and through the internet women are managing to get their voice out there; to be heard  and recognised.  I'd even dare say, (and any men readers might like to avert their eyes now) that women show very special talents and aptitude for communicating via the net  :)

 That combined with a greater experience of life, and deeper knowledge of speciality subjects, and what do you have?  An expert and innovative workforce just raring to go!

So tell me please.  What is your creative outlet, and how do you fit that in with the rest of your daily life and commitments.  Have you written a best seller?  Set up a cottage industry?   Is your blog your creative channel?  Is cooking vital to your everyday well being?  Have you found new confidence in being able to say "I created that!"