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How do you define good manners?
During my brocante and guest cottage season, good manners are the well-oiled wheels that make everything run smoothly.
We receive guests from all over the world. They arrive with their suitcases; with their plans and projects; with their differences and similarities ..... and - lucky me! - they all arrive with a smile and a bucket load of charm and good manners.
For me, good manners means respect and consideration of others; respect for their privacy; anticipation of what they may need or want; a positive attitude and a sunny disposition.
Manners have taken many an unexpected turn with the age of social networking on the internet. We used to say it was impolite to call anyone after 9 pm, but have you noticed how that has changed with texting and messaging,? anything goes 24/7! Or the code of conduct for using mobile phones? Turning them off in restaurants, conducting loud conversations on a packed commuter train .....
And have you noticed how the difference between public and private information is becoming blurred; I always thought that protecting ones own privacy and respecting the privacy of others was part of good manners too .... today it is easy to lose sight of the boundary line.
Facebook tracks our every movement; many people enjoy sharing pictures of their family and kids, of their home and holidays on line; your smartphone knows where you are at any moment and it is alarmingly easy to intrude upon someone's intimacy.
It seems to me that it is vital for each generation to learn about respect.
My youngest son plays rugby, he is part of a team here with an outstanding coach who believes that respect is key in every aspect of life. Rugby is a rough game physically, but while the boys may pummel each other on the pitch, the notion of mutual respect is essential. Bad language or disrespectful behaviour will see a player taken out of the game.
If the coach hears that a player has misbehaved at school during the week, he takes the boy aside at the mid-week training session and explains that he won't be selected to play for the weekend match ... but he'll come along to carry the team refreshments and encourage his team from the sideline! Disappointing your coach is a far worse punishment than writing lines at school!
So in this modern world how do we teach our children good manners? Is it for us to adapt, to say "well we used to do things that way, but now its al-right to do it this way", or are there basic principles that never change?
Are good table manners still essential? Are children always taught how to hold a knife and fork? Do they still learn the art of polite and interesting conversation around a table? Or is that old school today?
If you have young children, how does their school teacher help them with good manners? And if you have grandchildren, do you sometimes feel bemused by their 'new rules'?
Please tell me what you think, I'd love to know.
sign by E&L designs
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